A bit about self destruction

Have you ever taken the time to evaluate how you really feel about yourself? Are you positive about your body and who you are? Sadly, so many of us are way more negative than positive.

So I want to discuss what having low self esteem can actually do to you and your life, many of these I have experienced first hand which is why I want to point out a few ways in which it has impacted my life so that you can recognize it straight away and make the change before you self destruct.

I am learning to love myself, I am learning to accept who I am inside and out, most importantly inside because as much as I have tried to change myself to be the funny girl, or the extrovert who everyone simply must have at their party, I can’t be because it is not who I am. I have taken time to learn myself and now I am taking time to love myself. I have so many quirks but they make me, me and there are a lot of people who like me, and most importantly I now like me.

I haven’t always been like this and because of years of feeling insecure with who I was and how I looked it has forced me into certain ways of life I wouldn’t have chosen. I do have a good life but I see now how my bad self esteem for all of these years has impacted the life I live today.

Finances – I have spoken about shopping addiction before and how it is often linked to one’s mental state which I have found to be very true. I love clothes for many reasons but most of all the way they make me feel, but they could only make me love myself for so long and then I would need more to make me feel good about myself again. I needed clothes to make me feel better about myself but there would never be enough clothes in the world to make me love myself.

Missed opportunities – I have said no too many times out of fear of failing because I was filled to the brim with self doubt. I see now that all of those times were missed opportunities which could have led me anywhere and my life could be a whole lot different but having said that I don’t want to dwell on this one but rather not make the same mistakes again and never doubt myself so much that I turn down something I want, or something that has potential.

Settling – This is sort of linked to the missed opportunities, I have settled for a lot and have also accepted a lot because I didn’t have the confidence to stand up for myself or to just stop and say “hey, I don’t deserve this”. Lack of confidence can make you feel like a scared little mouse.

Comparison – The thief of joy! My life, who I was and everything I had was always being compared to everybody else and what they had.

Unhealthy ways – My attempts at trying to better my body had no limits. I have tried every diet, most pills and had spent so much time hating my vessel. It never got to the sad extremes some go to but I was desperate which could have led to anything.

I don’t know where I would be now if I had learned to love myself long ago but I am glad that five years from now I won’t be wondering this same thing. I do think that confidence and self acceptance comes a bit easier with age because you learn to live in your body and mind and you learn who you actually are.

The only person who loses with self negativity is you so why not try and create your best life being you! Those lumps and bumps only worry you, that negative little voice in your head can be shut down by you, don’t give up before you have even started.

Do not try and live for someone else, to impress someone else, or to look like someone else because at the end of the day, you are the one who comes off second best.

And just by the way most of the things you worry about, others don’t even see.

Gilrs On Beach Jumping To Make Cute Love Heart

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8 thoughts on “A bit about self destruction

    1. Oh Sharon, I am right there with you. I know how hard it is to slip back into old ways with exercise and eating habits. I have tried so many times and end up hitting a wobbly every time.
      You really are a shining star though and should never doubt yourself. From everything I have seen, you have worked hard to get to where you are so you can do it again and know that it happens to the best of us, we all slip back into old habits from time to time but it grows us I guess.
      You are doing a splendid job in everything you do (your blog, your girls, just being you) so don’t be too hard on yourself. There are a lot of people who appreciate you, so appreciate you too!

  1. Oh, man. I can relate to this on so many levels. It’s weird how when you start to get rid of stuff in your house and wardrobe, you end up looking inwards at your own habits and emotions, too. I’ve realised that I’m an emotional shopper AND eater. Having bad day? You’ll most likely find me stopping at the Waterfront on the way home from a launch and doing some damage at Zara or Cotton On (not that I can afford, it mind you!). Even something as simple as getting groceries becomes an effort to ‘treat’ myself and quell my emotions. Instead of shopping at Spar or Pick ‘n Pay, I’ll convince myself that I need a treat, so will stop at Woolies instead. 30 minutes later and I’ve bought pizza, chocolate, a magazine… you know how it goes. Sigh. I’m still a work in progress, but hoping to get there soon! x

    1. We are like the same person Chereen haha. I am exactly the same! But we will get there, I think most importantly is just recognizing the “problem” and making the change.
      You really do inspire me daily and I can’t wait for the day I actually get to meet you (I am positive)

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