There are books and blog posts and podcasts about this same topic but I want to share a little realization I had with you. For this blog post I am going to use the word “fat” because I personally know all about this little, or big word. But you can replace fat with any one of your “trigger” words, by trigger word, I mean one of those negative words that you often use to describe yourself, or one of those words you repeat to yourself every time you look in the mirror.
Nobody has more of a say or more of an influence over you than yourself, so yes it’s true, we are our own worst enemies.
For a long time I was extremely hard on myself because I carried the most weight at my workplace. I used to want the earth to suck me up when there was old samples we could take home and I was the only one not going through them because all the sample sizes are a 32/34. These things made me hate myself and made me feel almost like I wasn’t part of the group. But I made myself that way. Nobody excluded me, nobody made me feel crap because I wouldn’t fit into the sample sizes, they carried on being nice to me, they carried on with their lives. I was my own worst enemy in this case and contemplated starving myself just to feel like I would fit in and so that I would look as nice as the girls I work with. Of course, I could never starve myself because as much as I was desperate, I wasn’t stupid. Now that I am over all of that, I realize that I spent so much time hating myself, thinking that they wouldn’t want to be around me but they actually never said that or acted that way, they accepted me and have never thought of me as just the fat girl. In fact, one of my work colleagues bought me a super thoughtful birthday gift last year which made me proved to me, hey, she actually listens to what I have to say. She obviously likes me so why have I wasted so much time not building on these friendships because I felt terrible about myself. What else I have I missed out on? What else have I excluded myself from because I hated myself?
If you think you are fat, if you say you are fat, then you are, to yourself. Someone who thinks she is fat can be put next to somebody who is triple her size and agree with you that they are fat, but still think that she is fat too. Words such as fat have a dictionary definition but they also have a personal meaning and definition. If you genuinely see or think of yourself as fat, then that is what you are because you are making it true.
If you don’t like people calling you things, then don’t call yourself those things. We put the weight into these words we dislike, we make them heavy so that they have this hard affect on us that they do, yet we don’t stop using them. We shouldn’t use nasty words to describe anyone, let alone ourselves!
Also, girls if you think are fat, saying it every ten minutes in company to ensure that they know that you think are fat so that they won’t perhaps think it or say it, is basically a sin, stop it!
It is not easy to convince someone to change their mind about themselves, I know this because I had to change my mind about myself. I still wouldn’t say I am the most confident person in the world but I certainly am more confident than I have ever been and I am also more comfortable and this is mostly because I am walking the talk. I absolutely hate seeing what is happening to us, how they have gotten us to such a low point that we are resorting to eating disorders and things, so I decided I wanted to stand up against it, but in order to do so, I had to believe what I was saying. And I do believe that no woman deserves to feel “ugly” or “disgusting”. Women should also not feel pressurized into plastic surgery to fit into some mould. How can I allow “them” (whoever them are) to make me feel bad about myself when I know my value.
Everything has changed for me, and I hope that by reading my blog and my stories, something will click in your mind and things will change for you too.