Self-doubt (noun) lack of confidence in oneself and one’s abilities.
What the dictionary definition doesn’t say is that when going through a self-doubt phase, your world pretty much feels like it is going to crash and burn.
The reason I started this blog was because I had decided I wanted to be a writer for a living, not necessarily an author (but maybe one day) and not a journalist who is always on the hunt for a front page story (I have a huge amount of respect for those people) but just a features/fashion/lifestyle writer for a magazine. It took me over two years to realize my passion after searching desperately so when I discovered it (it was always there, just very well hidden) I was, for lack of a better phrase, over the moon.
Since that day, many things have happened, studying, writing, growing, etc. but this week everything came to a halt. My dreams, my work, my hopes and my confidence.
Without going into too much detail (it would be a short story) there was a war going on in my mind but I am happy to say that I think a white flag has been waved. But, as with everything in life, there was a lesson to be learned! My lesson was that self-doubt begins with comparison. I was comparing everything, from where I am studying, to my actual writing skills and even compared my blog AND my career progress to others. BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER! The cheesiest cliché is the most true – we are all so different in every single way and those differences make us who we are and make us special! Comparisons between humans should not even happen!
I am so glad that somewhere along the line, the clever part of my brain took charge and pushed all my doubts, worries and fears about my writing, about my blog, about myself away because passion is not something you can just ignore but the self-doubt tried pretty hard to knock the passion and dreams down. Needless to say I am back on the road and heading to success and fulfillment
I seek strength, not to be greater than other, but to fight my greatest enemy, the doubts within myself – P.C. Cast